Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The V factor...

....you guys must be surprised what a V factor is?? 
I was at work and happened to meet a client ,I was discussing some patterns and designs of our top notch designers, this was a a boy and a girl may be in twenties..I couldn't guess their nationalities ..
I left them to decide about their needs and requirements before going ahead...
As I came back , a co-worker came to me and said "could you tell them to come out ,they are getting intimate and its kinda weird..."
I went back and told them to come out as I have other appointments to handle...before I take our next client...
looking at the girl I could see they could not take their eyes off each other...any-ways this is not the first time I saw this...I am not even surprised ,that's what is very common  and their is no hesitancy is smooching or getting  intimate in public places.
Virginity is the V factor which is missing .. times have changed and so are the needs ..its like do whatever you like and leave it like a used napkin in trash if he/she doesn't suit your needs...
I remember talking to one of the girls when she said "I don't wanna be a joke among my friends if I don't have a companion or boyfriend" I am a complete person and very much smart " I said" is it? do they make fun?? "she said "the life style is different ,I go with group of friends and when they see me alone they ask"nobody approached you yet? sad!"you are pretty looking girl  ...
...dating doesn't stop at platonic relationships it gets physical at one stage and then no looking back ,no hesitancy in getting into physical relationships...
most of the time parents know about their kids and their relationships ...But the irony  is ...they have no say "in pursuit of happiness"you cant stop the kid..unless the kid has no stable relationships in past and has hundred percent chances of getting sick in body and mind!
Is virginity important? to me yes! but when I hear people saying  "does it matter in past what happened?"its present and qualities and traits of a good human are more important"I cant digest this statement sometime and end up leaving the discussion ...where are ethics and morals??
I was listening to a Debate on dating among Indian's in US ...and most of the teenagers had similar views that  its important and YES physical relationships does exist and its no big deal...the ultimate thing is the trust ,faith and love among each other..AT PRESENT.
I grew up in India and to me and my Indian culture they would never permit any dating or relationship before marriage  ...
But when I see here parents and even kids( I am talking about Indians) saying all this..its kinda surprise  me...as per these statements.
(I would not name the person)
"Itz no big deal for me to get married to a guy whoz not a virgin.....
This is 2011 and as we all know dat no one in this time is maintaining his virginity...I mean few might being doing dat but almost all are well experienced before marriage.....and there is nothing wrong in it."


No wonder we see single moms ,divorces , broken homes and intimacy at public places ...and  virgins no more.

41 comments:

kavita said...

V factor is Vanishing .According to a survey Indians do wait to loose virginity .If you are under 22 and an Indian ,you are probably a virgin.

rama said...

Hi Harman,
It is true, we have been brought with different mentality, leave alone our parents saying anything, for we ourselves will not do such things.
However, I have to agree that times have changed even in India,we see people are in relationship for years with no sign of commitment/ marriage. It has become quite normal to test the water as they say. I have known girls and boys live together, with the knowledge of their parents, and set up house, and then break up after a few years. The parents cannot say anything even if they don't like it.
It shocks us at the beginning, and soon one has to get used to the fact, that such a thing has come to stay whether we like it or not.
In west it not shocking at all, as the parents themselves have gone through all this during their growing years for years. So it is normal for them to see their children hook up with various people before they find the right person, or maybe they would never find the right person at all,but it is okay for them for their culture is like that, they don't think it is bad.
Just as it is difficult for them to understand our system of arranged marriages, it is difficult for us to understand their casual attitude towards marriage.
Both the cultures have good and bad, it all depend on which side we are.
In fact you must be knowing that just as we are following their foot steps they too are following our foot steps for they also are slowly realising the benefits of arranged marriages,and there are many marriage portals for that there that is gaining a lot of popularity among them. Sorry for the long comment.

ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ/ Ashwini said...

I still stand confused with such people who dont value a relationship. Better to not indulge much with them for the good of us. Cant understand why they take this in a very casual way. However being blind and deaf to their thoughts is the best thing I can think of.

IRFANUDDIN said...

"which century are you living in?Don't tell me you are saving your virginity to gift it on a platter to the guy you will marry".....
"Things happen, people change, before i met Ravi, I liked Suresh, and all this virginity business is really no big deal, you do it n its done..."

this is how our young ones justify their act...:(

what to say????

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Asma Khan said...

We live in a world where over half of the marriages end in divorce. This is truly a confounding issue that faces us today. The moral and ethical ramifications brought about by such a change in family organization.

dr.antony said...

We have a different culture and
totally different values. I hadnt talked to a girl till I reached Medical College.

But I dont think that is the way children to grow up.The world has become almost one and we travel across continents, and values are getting mixed up.Sex is still a taboo in India. And we keep lot of hypocrisy about it.

I dont think much about this virginity part.In the present day life style, people get married many times, and where is the place for virginity?

Bikramjit said...

SO true Harman, All my college life and till i was in india Dating was not a thing to do as DAD KA THAPAD was always visible..
In Uk it was a eyeopener ..

these days Being physical comes first and not just in UK or USA in india too no matter what people say.. I was reading some news where they did a Poll and majority of the girls/boys 19+ were into physical relations ..

and as you say no wonder we have so many single mothers and teen pregnancies..

Bikram's

Alka Gurha said...

To each his/her own....yes, V is is taboo unfortunately even in pre--teens. We will come a full circle and realise that being a virgin is not all that bad. The west is realising it.

Stranger in a Strange Land said...

Hello dear:

Stand by youir principles. Others are often really to direct you or tell you how you should live your life, but none can do this but you.

In the end, it's between you and God what you decide upon or what you do.

This is according to the M factor Mike factor).

Take care and keep the faith,
Mike

A said...

Values are different now. Growing up, I was told dancing is not for decent people but now I realize it was not correct. Generation over generations - generation gap comes into play. I am not sure anymore what is wrong and right in the current scheme of morals.

(BTW, you have a typographical mistake - replace listing with listening )

zzz said...

Harman:

Are you living in world of denial?

In India, it is culture, social pressure, fear of consequesces- which are pretty dire for a girl, and above all, every one knows each other and everyone is into everyone's business.
Most of the marriages survive in India, becuase one partner (mostly women), are silent partners, without opinions, hightest tolerance and with absloutely no outlet of any kind.

Every thing has pros and cons. I think when people are free, they express themselves in their own way. Every Indian living in India doesnot believe and behave according to "Pure Indian Culture". I grew up in India too, and I think it was suppression of the basic human needs. I have my kids growing up in this place, however only thing I worry about is, emotional damage, diseases and other potential risks that come with the relationship, when they are too young, and donot understand how to handle the burden that comes with it. It is similar to any other harmful behaviour, such as rash driving.
I want to focus on educating and teaching them to stay safe, respect themseleves more, or possibly avoid this kind of stuff, just becuase it is detrimental to their well being, not due to V factor.

Harman said...

@ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...
No not Denial But in the world of good morals and values...in the world of reality,in the world of well being of everyone ...
what do you mean by saying women has no word in india??
...who will take this bull shit of cheating with partner and extra marital relationships ...
Women of india is known for keeping their love for partners alive till death,tolerance in helping her husband no matter how hard living is...she will try to minimise her needs...
I agree time s have changed in india too ..lot of livin-relationships and divorces ,independence and high attitudes..hit and trial methods,copying the west, so on and so forth...
DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD?
..
To me ..I would give my kids the values passed to us by our parents and our culture..never play with others emotions and try to keep a stable relationship ...healthy in body and mind..teaching or making them professionals is important BUT a good human-being first...
the V factor Im talking about is ...which removes hesitancy of any kind, getting intimate in public becuz they are so very used to it which also welcomes many big issues regarding health...and mental fitness..the society lacks moral values and I guess indians are also not behind in this ..girls usually fall in trap and get used and abused in every kind..
there have been examples where jus for the sake of their freedom parents had to see embarrassment of all kind and legal hassles .....and what not.
..in the end I wud say give good values to children so that they are strong in characters and build a strong nation.
hope I am clear..
lemme know your real name and which part of US you come frm?

Harman said...

@A..thanks I have corrected that :)sentence...

Harman said...

@kavita..really ...its surprising!
yep I agree..the younger ,the naive...the older the pro :)
its rightly observed and thanks for your wonderful comment.

Harman said...

@rama..thanks for such a lovely comment and explained so well.
I agree..the pros and cons of each society and cultural behaviour..living in US its common But the results are disastrous when you look at teenage pregnancy and single moms or getting married several times...depression and stress ..its very common..
Yes arranged marriages are good BUT its not accepted by Indian girls and boys any-more ..parents end up saying"we have nothing to say they have to live their life and we want them to be happy"
basically its everybody's free will But values should be passed so that they know the culture and its flaws.

Harman said...

@ashwini..I agree ...But at-least we can help our people or kids to know what's right or wrong ...
rest its all destined ....

Harman said...

@irfan yep..
this is how they justify..
and this is how they die of AIDS
sick people!

Harman said...

@asma..true!
..character builds a nation and nation builds clean environment..

Harman said...

@Doc..very true,,
so many marriages and so many relationships...
wht clean environment can you give to your kids?

Harman said...

@ bick..
I agree..I truly agree..
there was this pathetic page on fb profile a seventeen yr old girl(a well to do family) being used by guy again and again and now she is in such a trap that they are asking money from her ...already she has paid about two lacks or something..
one of my friends were telling me to help her..I dont understand the dire need to get involved with guys and show them off as boyfriends,to be in the rat race ...and now getting scared of parents and society.

Harman said...

@Alka..
ya..we will come in full circle... and hope people realise that soon!

Harman said...

@stanger in strange land..
thanks mike.
I agree!the M factor :)

Kiran Bajaj Sawhney said...

You know it is a lengthy discussion. I would say- to each his own.
I can't be judgemental about it.

Harman said...

@kiran...yep..
I agree...

zeenusingh said...

very sad but very common in US and other countries.
I studied in NY but most of the girls I knew had similar cases every night they were out ,university lifestyle is very different.
V factor is lost,in fact it will be rare over the period of time ,values will also be lost too.
whether its india or anywhere else I have to say just be yourself and don't give up family values so easily.
nobody But you will be responsible for your behaviour.
tc..love the post Harman I will be more regular keep up the name of your country and parents.

Shabby said...

It is true that the V is no longer an important factor as it used to be but i must say the while it is a virtue to maintain it is it really about this one thing when meeting someone, this is only one characteristic about someone and i think all things should be considered when choosing someone!

Uma said...

the whole world is changing and so are cultures.. relationships, boyfriend girlfriend is quite common in India among teens, and parents too are aware of their kids' relationships..
i think each one of us has one's own sense of right and wrong, the same goes about virginity..

Harman said...

@shabby..
I do agree it should comprise of ALL factors before going ahead.

Harman said...

@UMA...true..
its a personal thing ...and should know pros and cons.

Chakoli said...

Hmm... its more of personal choice is what I belive..
cud be or not!

sm said...

world is changing and so the rules

Harman said...

@chakoli..may be..But welcomes many other issues of life!

Harman said...

@Sm...may be ..but in light of new age and era...what kind of morals are we setting for new generation and our kids..
not to forget the imbalance of mind you see among youth!

Jack said...

Harman,

Sorry for being late. First of all may I ask if V factor is only for girls? If not, how does one be sure that guy is virgin? Each one of us, whether boy or girl, has some sort of experience in our growing years due to our curiosities. Earlier it was not talked about except with very close friends but now youngsters are more open about their needs and relationships. It is so in India too. In urban areas it is more known but rural areas too have it but kept hush hush. Why should the girls be barred from what we let boys do? I do not at all advocate promiscuity but if she is discreet and has confidence in partner, there is no reason to castigate her. It is after marriage that both partners need to exercise control and not stray. As far as divorces are concerned, these are in every society but in some societies it is taken as failure on part of the girl so they bear all sorts of atrocities to keep marriage facade. One thing I surely agree to is whatever intimacy be, it has to be in privacy. PDA to little extent depending upon openness of society may be tolerated but not beyond limits. After all we are not animals to mate in public.

Take care

Harman said...

@Jack ..o what a lovely comment...
I agree..women are more prone to atrocities and all kind of embarrassment ..which is faced after...
So ..its basically a very personal thing and level of opinion is different to all..
keep it private and personal ..But chances of break-ups are more not everyone wants to go ahead..and its hit and trial method ...no commitments.

pratibhas said...

God..do you really believe that people who have pre-marital relationships or sex,who believe in finding their own partners (i.e do not believe in arranged marriages), who are independent and want to take important life decisions on their own are not good people???
What does value system mean to you??
To me it is about being an honest person, respecting others and their thoughts and beliefs, respecting all religions, being peaceful,helping people in need, commitment,loving the family..
And, being a virgin till you are married? hows that even a virtue? In fact its a very personal choice..and we cannot be judgemental about such choices..just like we cannot be judgemental about sexual orientation of people.

Makk said...

I have read post and then comments.

one simple question for you,

what is "good" as per your definition?

Makk said...

Teen Pregnancy...Kids need to be educated, better communication and dialogue required in between parents and kids.

getting physical under peers influence, fashion etc...Kids need to be educated, better communication and dialogue required in between parents and kids.



Single Motherhood..... Do you see it as problem, (if age is right)?

Divorces..... is not it better then burning or suicidal of girl in their homes?, or being a door mate for life long

Harman said...

@ makk thanks for comments and response to this article.
V factor is virginity .. I dunno how you relate this ..But to me yes definitely its important and be sure as to wht you are looking for before jumping in bed with anyone for fun..
Good means ..good to your self conscience .. good to your soul n body not to be abused by men again and again .. for LUST .. not getting into drugs later not having dozen of children from everywhere.. GOOD means FOR GOOD.. for purity in thoughts n soul
.. its your personal choice .. to be available or not to be available... showing up desperation or be satisfied as single
... teenage pregnancy is very popular here in America .. people did raise voice on this in past but it dint help.. school drop outs are cause of teenage pregnancy ..
its must to educate and stop your kids,,, they should know what they are heading for..
*..single motherhood .. its not imp to be single or married its imp to make a right decisions in life not to show desperation's over SEX or get into peer pressure..
..divorce can be for any reason .. I m jus pointing out on mistakes made when you cant control your urges .. and get desperate.. that needs to be improved.
hope its clear!!

Harman said...

you can believe whatever you like its your choice and life ..Value system means to me when you r satisfied and know its right decision you have taken .. ..and lemme tell you" honest person, respecting others and their thoughts and beliefs, respecting all religions, being peaceful,helping people in need, commitment,loving the family.."
with these qualities you mentioned .. people are balanced they dont indulge into these kinda things,, you are talking about they are far from that..they know their values and think before getting desperate...
and being a virgin till you are married is hard ..then I think definitely its desperation...
I jus voiced my opinion rest is your choice.