Thursday, June 16, 2011

Gender bias.

last week I was at wedding (the mehandi ritual)...
  
these are one of our clients which I had to oblige ,an absolute strangers to me ..I always end up getting in an awkward situation not knowing how to approach unknown people and mingle with crowd.
....Gender biased society is everywhere ...I was surprised when I heard from the bride "we are seven sisters"and two brothers .
...This is a very pretty girl may be twenty two or less who was the bride and she told me four sisters are married ....and she is somewhere in between...
this girl reminds me of  Indian actress Rani Mukherjee even prettier then her with beautiful  eyes and long hair ...the guy she is getting married is a physician,there might be at least ten years age difference ,she appeared to be very young...
..I was taken aback looking at the house ...which was good size and well decorated ..But why so many kids? jus for boys ...Sania(bride) told me
'my parents at last found their happiness..."(I guess they couldn't find in these pretty looking girls)...
Talking of Sanias mom who was also very young ...something in late forties or less ...seemed like she got married early and a kid every year..she had lot of patience(I would kill myself with so many kids)was smiling and very humble to everyone.
I never understood this fundamental of getting a baby boy even after nine or ten daughters......look at the amount of money required to raise and educate one professional and then to run a house with nine kids its so darn difficult....not to forget amount of work at home ,its surprising these are educated parents...physicians and looking for baby boy after seven girls...what's use of all the studies and professional degree if basic thinking is of that stone age..
 Gender bias is so deeply ingrained that the day couple gets married the discrimination starts...the family will rejoice with a news of baby boy as compared to baby girl..and let me tell you its still very prevalent....
I have seen a divorce case on grounds that she delivered twins (girls)and considered as jinx by immediate family,kicked out of the house literally ..this was considered to be an educated affluent family ..
Gender bias is deeply rooted in the society. In fact, over the years it has seeped in through the walls and pillars, like a monsoon mold. And no one can change this fact...

these redundant and obsolete customs are still being followed  because we, the females, let them happen. Until someone stands up for herself and gives a resolute 'no', things will not change and let me tell you a women has to support a women rather then being jealous and creating barriers.

are girls less then boys? educate them and give them an upper hand they are better in every way ..they will surpass all males...they more lovable and caring for their parents they don't ask or snatch but believe in giving..
..its never too late ...give them their due respect!

34 comments:

A said...

It makes no difference if the baby is boy or girl. Some people are crazy....

kavita said...

I still remember the time when i was undergoing infertility treatment in a Delhi clinic.There I met another patient who was accompanied by her mother-in-law. As we introduced each other this good elderly woman blessed me " bhagwan tumhari goud bhare ,bhale ladke hi de par de de." That was really funny to me.

IRFANUDDIN said...

though ppl say a lot these days that, time has changed a lot and there is no more any difference between boys or girls..both are equal in every walk of life...and so many things.....butttt nothing has changed for most of the ppl and even today they all celebrate when a baby boy is born and the whole place changes into a "Shoak Sabhaa" if it is other wise...still there are so many young couples who prefer to go for abortion when they find a baby girl is going to be born...its really unfortunate but the fact is, it was there...it is there and unfortunately it will remain same....bcoz i found everyone preaching others and when it comes to their own, they forget every thing.......

Chakoli said...

Very true :)
girls are just much better than bpys :)

but its education and illeteracy that is hampering....
but I myself have observed change.....I m with an NGO grp and we keep on going thru slums area or villages and people them self have starting opting for parivar nijojan and 2 kids are mre than enuff..
be it a gal or boy :)

change is coming but yeah slowly :D

Jack said...

Harman,

I agree with you in totality. It is going to be a very uphill task to remove this gender discrimination as it has taken roots for so many centuries. It is not only gender equality is a must but more care and security for girls too. Awareness for respect of women is to be spread.

Take care

Mishi said...

well written!
we are four sisters and one brother,,he is youngest, so you can see how my parents waited for a baby boy...I remember how the people living around us keep on telling my father that he has so many daughters jus becouse he loves them,(as my father .tho waiting for a baby boy never treated us any less)...and finally he came, our brother...

years later, we tease our mother about it..out of fun fcourse that thankz LOrd that our bro was arrived after 4 daughters..who knows how many would have come otherwise;p

the people in our part are concerned about their 'waris'..baby boy is somebody they see as their support for old age...but somhow I feel its a past story now..yes the love and demand for baby boy is still there.,but its not that daughter are treated badly now..girls are much better then sons..they are educated, independent, more caring for their parents as compared to their brothers...they always stick to their parents even after getting married...my own brother has proven a test for our nerves so far..being the only son..he got bit spoiled...

my mother sometimes complain that bringing him up is harder.even more harder then four daughter at the same times.
daughter are very gentle, very caring, very sensitive..they are always there for their parents...
they are talented...and now a time is approaching when we will get over this gender bias inshALLAh:-)

Bikramjit said...

Not in modern days .. but yeah in olden days it was such .. I mean my mum are 6 sisters and then they had a brother .. SO I know .. I guess earlier it was more of who will take the neame of family ahead .. as girls would go to in-laws.. and so on....

but nowaday it does not matter as both are equal though in india this thinking still exists of a boy boy boy even if people dont say it ,

:)
Bikram's

Mannat... said...

Well written...

But two things that bother me the most about this are:

1. In all this commotion to get a boy after multiple girls does anyone ever think of what those daughters are going through... how big of a moral they have got knowing that they are inadequate for their parents!! knowing everyday that they are waiting for a son to "fulfil" their family, like the daughters aren't capable of doing that!! --> Pure stupidity! And what's funny is that after a few years, it's those daughters who take care of the parents... and those son's under the influence of their wives transfer their parents to a old age home or ashrams!!

2. And most important of all - for all those people who blaim the female for bearing only girls... It's not female who is responsible for the gender of the child it's the MALE!! They all need a biology lesson... and may be a kick in the back to wake them up from these nuisances!!

Babies are precious... no matter what gender they are

- Mannat!

Rachna said...

Well, most people do still crave boys due to the old-fashioned conditioning but things have changed in cities especially. I see all around me people welcoming the birth of a girl and these days the norm is one child -- boy or girl. But, by and large, these biases are there and unless the mindsets change, they will continue to thrive.

Uma said...

i feel this bias has reduced to some extent.. and soon it will be gone for good..

Harman said...

@A..may be..But not everywhere..
people has still have that myth that boys are legal heirs and carry the name of the family.

Harman said...

@kavita..yes its very common in india..the day a women starts carrying the baby ..only baby boy is expected.

Harman said...

@irfan..yep..I agree..
I remember an incident where after the delivery ..the doctor handed a baby girl to the relatives and nobody was ready to pick the baby girl and only baby boy was expected from the family.
in lieu of this favoritism there is female infanticides and what not.

Harman said...

@chokoli ...its good to bring the awareness..its never too late.
education and small family can bring revolutions and change in mind set.

Harman said...

@jack...yes..I truely believe..respect of women starts from home and then it helps..the society..
Gender bias is still very prevalent ..not only in india but I have noticed in US too...five daughters a boy later...many want only boys
:(

Harman said...

@mishi..very true..girls are more caring and lovable ..its jus a myth..
people have that mindset ..
its fun to have sisters around..they are like friends ..isn't it?
tc

Harman said...

@bikram...ya ..it was old story ..big families and huge houses with many kids
but with changing time and cost of living its hard and girls are no less..every year Academically if we pull the data ..girls are the toppers most of the time..
gender bias is still exists.

Harman said...

@mannat..I agree..
its basically mindset ..
we are all educated and know how it works ...but blame is given to women..expectations are from her but still ..its sad
I pity those moms who go for female infanticides under pressure.
thanks

Harman said...

@rachna..it might be..But when they have girls in row ..the discrimination can be seen..
its always a women who is blamed...

Harman said...

@UMA..hope it does exist for good.
:)

♥LOVE2COOK♥ said...

Truly gender biased dear. :(

Harman said...

@love to cook..yes its truly gender biased otherwise why would they have seven girls..and then two boys?
its shows clear discrimination.

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...

In other sense this is nice. At least it is proliferating the number of girl child in the World. ;-)

UB said...

It is going to take some time till it vanishes from our society totally until then all we can so is to raise awareness. Too bad it still exists in some parts of our country.

Alka Gurha said...

If educated families living abroad can not let go of this mindset, then we have a century to go where villages and small towns are considered.

Kiran Bajaj Sawhney said...

Gender Bias does exist.
But maybe her parents actually wanted/liked big family. Just maybe.
At least unlike few people in rural areas, where girls are aborted, they raised their girls.
I try to see positive things even in such negative situations.

Harman said...

@kiran...Big family of seven girls and two boys later?
any ways...I dont want to judge ..others but ..this is what peer pressure is...of getting a legal heir.
..getting girls married at twenty or so...isnt it weird?
have jus two kids make them professional and give them good living!

Harman said...

@abhilash..
:)
..true!

Harman said...

@UB..its universal..
American women have that too...I often hear them sayin .."I am stuck,(for two girls)have to try for third kid!
its sad!

Harman said...

@ALKA..
I agree...mentality is same
india or USA..indians have their set mental blocks ..cant be removed so early!

Shabby said...

Very true! But that is the way some societies are.

Sh@s said...

Sad. Academic degrees fail to educate minds. We need to change our attitude and social concepts.

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

The last para of your post reminds me of a beautiful quote: Educate a man and you educate one person; educate a woman and you educate a whole nation"?

So true i am surprised that people want only boys and this coming from educated people totally shocks me. However there is one point which they make regarding a girl's safety and though I do not agree, sometimes it makes sense to me when I see young girls as young as 5 year old being gang raped. Safety issues is one huge concern for parents everywhere.

The Beautifier said...

Ohh Harman how I love reading to your blog posts! I really believe in what you belief! Girl or boy - it doesn't matter!!!!!