Thursday, June 2, 2011

favours.

....I never understood this mentality or mental people who never hesitate and ask for favours .....you might have chatted with them just for few hrs in the whole year and do not know them personally But its strange when they say

*"hey Harman you can arrange a sponsorship for me to visit US,I will be so thankful"
I am like"hello do I really know you? its not possible I cant do that ..sorry about that"

*Friend"you know what ,I had heard that all Indians when they migrate to US ,UK or Canada or any other foreign country their blood also gets white in colour  just like snow...

*...Me"ok (whatever...crap)"

next one...another sample

*friend "hey how r u? can I ask you a favour plz plz...."

*Me.."ya go ahead ..what kinda favour??"

*Friend "you have a defence background ,could you please tell your dad that I want his Army canteen card to get some stuff on subsidised rates as it is very expensive in India hard to survive in this inflation...(these are those people who love their motherland)"

*Me"hey...are you ok? my dad will never do that or misuse the card ok ,Got it!"

*Friend"...ok ,a friend in need is a friend indeed ..I guess you don't fit in that slot.

*Me...Well I don't need to....


..I am not a people pleaser when it comes to breaking all the set of rules and going overboard.
Pleasing others and ignoring your own needs can affect your relationships with people, the things you do, the way you talk and more importantly the choices that you make in life. It can ultimately drain you emotionally and physically and even lead you to depression.
I was a people pleaser one time .....

I remember I was asked for help ...and I couldn't get it done due to legal hassles for which 
I felt bad that I didn't say the word "NO" and resentful that the favour was a lot of extra work and time that I didn't have to spare. I feel angry and resentful at the friend for asking such favour's from me and at times I feel they are taking advantage of my kindness and the fact that I can't say no. Over time, I end up avoiding the friend altogether when the real problem is with me. It is an endless cycle of people pleasing. I don't always say it and admit it but I do let people take advantage of me. By always doing favours for others what I don't want to do and going out of my way to make others happy and ignoring my own needs, I am just leaving the door open for others to take advantage and manipulate me.which I dont want to do it now.
Since I am a mother, I know it's okay and I feel happy when I put the needs of my children before my own. However, when I constantly put the needs of others in front of my own - there's the problem. I mean well but if you're anything like me, your actions are sure to eventually lead you to anger and resentment. The solution to people pleasing is SELF EMPOWERMENT. You can't change other people but you can work on yourself.



17 comments:

Saf ♥ said...

I completely agree with you... Sometimes it can get annoying!

Renu said...

Looking for self interest always is not such a good idea to me..if we can heklp anybody we must, even if it inconveniences us a little, but yes breaking the rules or doing something against our conscience doesnt come into this.

Jack said...

Harman,

I loved the quote at the end of this post. It is so true. One definitely needs a lot of courage and effort to do so. But if it is done, the results are fantastic as one gets so much peace of mind.

Now to the post, so very right you are. There is no dearth of such "friends". I can well understand your father's position as there are plenty who would ask for a couple of bottles, isn't it? I have a handful of them and over a period I realised that they show no gratitude when you really need them for something. But it is still very difficult for me to say NO resulting in my ending up with time tied up. And misunderstood too at times.

Take care

Bikramjit said...

NICE ONE HARMAN..

I am so glad you put it in the article.. OH MY OH MY..


yeah these are the people who say I love my country and I will never leave my country ..
the funny thing is people making bold statements and then doing all this
makes me laugh...

Been through all this myself harman ..

Bikram's

Thinking said...

hmm....good read....

A said...

@Herman,

Oh. You have military background..can you help me to get the job of Lt. General in Indian Army? Really please. I really want to be Lt General. If that is not possible then may be Major General would do...please please help...I always comment on your blog post....

Hahaha:)))

Uma said...

its best to ignore such people..

Harman said...

@A...
no no we cannot offer you position of maj gen or Lt gen or ...plz its an insult to you
You have to be Chief of Army staff ..
plz plz accept it....
you have an army background too being a son of an Army officer you might be having plenty of army contacts too..."why shoot on my shoulder"
"Bali ka Bakra"why me?
you are so funny :)

Shabby said...

i think this lesson comes with age! and experience.

A said...

@Harman,

Hope you had good laugh)))))

soorya said...

i agree with u totally. at work, eventhough im busy like hell, if anyone comes to me for a help, i go out of my way to help them. i am just not able to say no to anyone. this attitude has many a times landed me in trouble.i believe that you have to be in a higher level of self empowernmnent if you can just use the word NO for genuine reasons.!!

Alka Gurha said...

the second one was funny..blood gets white? ha ha.Most people today are always thinking, "What is in it for me?"
The beautiful quote in the end sums it all.

R. Ramesh said...

yes what uma says is right..ignore....

dr.antony said...

There are some people who love to live as parasites. I know a colleague, who takes the name and address of every single patient who comes to him.He will then make sure that he gets something or other get done by them.They derive some kind of pleasure from that.
I dont ask for undeserved favors.So,I am not obliged to give as well.

The Beautifier said...

Very well said, Harman!! I too am like you and have come across many ppl (strangers and distant relatives) who would try to manipulate and take advantage of me for their own selfish interest which is really annoying.

Sachin Malhotra said...

very nice article.. thanks for sharing..
मेरी नयी पोस्ट पर आपका स्वागत है : Blind Devotion - स्त्री अज्ञानी ?

Harman said...

@saf..yes I agree ..its annoying..

@renu...Yes ..very true ,I agree..

@jack..uncle its correct whatever you mentioned I agree...
thanks

@bik.agree But to say No is better and later on repenting for getting things done...

@thinking...thanks

@UMA..agree..yes

@shabby..yes very true.

@Soorya ..very well explained...

@alka...ha haaa...true

@ramesh..thanks..


@dr Anthony...very well said.

@Beautifier..dear you should never get into that I have many experiences similar to that.

@sachin thanks ...