Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Graduation parties.

....Looking at the graduation parties I always felt why people do that?I mean after high school (which is considered to be graduate) a party is thrown .Is it necessary?...
  A Kid and his/her accomplishments  are mentioned on a slide show with a formal speech by friends and relatives and some favourite moments discussed ....  a formal speech then by the kid thanking everyone for their support...
 this will be later followed by some song or dance by the  friends and then dinner and open dance which goes up to maybe three am.
I grew up in India ,always a bright student even a topper in my college ,But my parents never threw lavish parties like these in banquet hall,not that they were poor or uneducated but it was not in fashion and graduation meant like after bachelors degree but still that wasn't dad being an Army personnel never believed in throwing parties unless there was any Achievement par excellence and that party would be at home.He always believed in excellence nothing less and people around us (officers)were salaried people too so it was out of question to throw these lavish parties just after high school.
Coming back to graduation parties after high school its very common in US,this was the third party in a row I attended last weekend(I missed two earlier) .last graduation party I attended was some years back those kids had gone to Med-school and are now doing residency very soon they will be physicians,I asked a parent once "is it necessary to do this(graduation party)?  she said" its basically encouraging the kid once a life time to throw these parties and publically acknowledging there achievements cause lifestyle in US is different,once they are Adults they have their own lives and set of professional friends and then its just marriage after that" ..... me it appears to be peer pressure as its popular and made mandatory by Americans which is followed by Desi's too..Back home  I have yet to see any graduation party after high school ..what if the kid is not able to complete med-school or law-school or any other ?why not throw a party once the majoring is done and acknowledge this publically
or are they broke after med-school expenses?

Saturday, June 25, 2011

weekend fav (7)

YAY..its weekend again...and Saturday ...
party time I guess..lots of graduation parties around the corner...I am going to one tonight of our family friends daughter is graduating this year and going to Med-School
...lets hope she come up with flying colors...its Party time...
 my favourite is back again,
Hadika kiani (a Pakistani singer)was introduced to me by one of the friends..I was actually in love with her voice,so crystal clear and lovely soft moves in video.
Its a Punjabi song...
basically it says...
"what should I tell about my heart... ,I jus keep waiting for you..,
I have written your name on my heart and  every breath of mine keeps calling your name...
I am waiting in hope ,may be you will come and I will never loose this war of love...
I want to give you my heart forever...and when you come all through your way there will be shade of my love....
Fate,happiness ,love and joy ...God knows very well But those who have never been in love can never understand this ..."Love-disease"

have a great weekend...

Thursday, June 23, 2011


..when I first came to US ,I was surprised by this eight feet Giant like play area and kids having fun ,it was not common in India those days ten years back.Specially in the backyards of most of the will find a Trampoline  in US...its best activity for kids to jump play and get most of their energy out...I tried couple of times too...its pure fun.
In my Gym we have a small trampoline as part of workout which I use more often.
With summers and vacation ..whenever I am in my backyard I see girls jumping and lot of noise ,both of  my boys and a boy from neighbourhood love watching them while playing basket ball ...
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that trampolines should only be used under the supervision....I always make sure somebody is in the back yard while kids are playing even on an outdoor gathering one adult supervises the kids and keeps an eye on little ones.
last week my hubby took some pictures ...with kids on trampoline (he is a professional photographer )...
IRISONE is his logo..

(my little one watching out the action)

(He is scared)

(man behind lens "my hubby" :)

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Gender bias.

last week I was at wedding (the mehandi ritual)...
these are one of our clients which I had to oblige ,an absolute strangers to me ..I always end up getting in an awkward situation not knowing how to approach unknown people and mingle with crowd.
....Gender biased society is everywhere ...I was surprised when I heard from the bride "we are seven sisters"and two brothers .
...This is a very pretty girl may be twenty two or less who was the bride and she told me four sisters are married ....and she is somewhere in between...
this girl reminds me of  Indian actress Rani Mukherjee even prettier then her with beautiful  eyes and long hair ...the guy she is getting married is a physician,there might be at least ten years age difference ,she appeared to be very young...
..I was taken aback looking at the house ...which was good size and well decorated ..But why so many kids? jus for boys ...Sania(bride) told me
'my parents at last found their happiness..."(I guess they couldn't find in these pretty looking girls)...
Talking of Sanias mom who was also very young ...something in late forties or less ...seemed like she got married early and a kid every year..she had lot of patience(I would kill myself with so many kids)was smiling and very humble to everyone.
I never understood this fundamental of getting a baby boy even after nine or ten daughters......look at the amount of money required to raise and educate one professional and then to run a house with nine kids its so darn difficult....not to forget amount of work at home ,its surprising these are educated parents...physicians and looking for baby boy after seven girls...what's use of all the studies and professional degree if basic thinking is of that stone age..
 Gender bias is so deeply ingrained that the day couple gets married the discrimination starts...the family will rejoice with a news of baby boy as compared to baby girl..and let me tell you its still very prevalent....
I have seen a divorce case on grounds that she delivered twins (girls)and considered as jinx by immediate family,kicked out of the house literally ..this was considered to be an educated affluent family ..
Gender bias is deeply rooted in the society. In fact, over the years it has seeped in through the walls and pillars, like a monsoon mold. And no one can change this fact...

these redundant and obsolete customs are still being followed  because we, the females, let them happen. Until someone stands up for herself and gives a resolute 'no', things will not change and let me tell you a women has to support a women rather then being jealous and creating barriers.

are girls less then boys? educate them and give them an upper hand they are better in every way ..they will surpass all males...they more lovable and caring for their parents they don't ask or snatch but believe in giving..
..its never too late ...give them their due respect!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


its very difficult  task to raise kids  and if they are these kind,who would make mess all around the house especially if its weekend....Seem s like Gaddar party is here...
this is my little one enjoying his down time  with cushions and pillows ,no he doesnt want them on couch but on floor to watch Tv or read his favorite book.

God bless these little Angels and give enough strength to every mom to clear the mess throughout the day!

Sunday, June 12, 2011


..its Sunday..I feel so sleepy at times specially when its followed by some late night weekend party ..So quite outside ....looking out of the window ,I guess Monday fever has already started and I guessed it right..look at the people getting ready by bringing back laundered shirts for morning.

sometimes I miss my friends and people I haven't seen  since years...I have lost their phone numbers and they are not on any networking sites too,those who are there don't xcess them anymore or may be at the point of saturation.(networking sites)

I love this song its specially when you miss your friends....its one of my favourites...hope you all had a good weekend.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


this  women I met incredible personality ,very calm and poised ,a cute smile on her face.. there was a certain charisma in her I felt But when I asked her profession I was surprised as she said "I work in hospice and I am the last person before they see the creator."
Angela is from phillipines ,a Nurse(RN) working with a team of doctors  in hospice.

I was quite taken aback and kept thinking about her ,one day she dropped at my work place with her husband ,An American guy maybe in  sixties whom she was married to...
I asked Angela about her nature of job and how she has this immense power to see someone dying in front of her.
before I started talking to Angela ,Alex (her husband) started talking to me about his past which was also very sad how when his first wife died his kids wanted him to go for assisted living and sell his house so that the money could be divided among his kids. Alex has a big house and some luxury cars he said ,But kids wanted dad to spend time with his age group and leave money for them,he then decided to remarry and look for companion at the age of sixty and live again rather then getting into depression and feeling old before age, this was also to teach kids a lesson and marry this wonderful women with incredible qualities.

Hospice is traditionally an option for people whose life expectancy is six months or less, and involves palliative care (pain and symptom relief) rather than ongoing curative measures, enabling you to live your last days to the fullest, with purpose, dignity, grace, and support. 
Angela works for hospice and terminally ill patients where there is no hope but aim is to only minimising their pain in their last few months of life.she bathes them ,cleans them ,even  tells them stories making them smile and bids them goodbye.

 I asked her"what are patients reaction when they know their days are numbered?
she said"most of the time patients knows about the last day and I try to ease the pain and  comfort them  as directed by Doctors But there have been times when I had to say please don't hold yourself everything will be alright here."and see them leaving the world.

I asked her "do you take anti -depressants yourself after seeing all this?"
she said"yes at times ,when I am too attached to someone I cannot sleep"

I asked "how often do you see all this?
she said "my last patient was in sep 2010 he was eighty seven years old
but I can never forget him ,I use to clean him everyday and he would offer me a chocolate bar at times (snicker).On his last day when I went to clean him after death I found one of chocolate bars in my gloves ,I was in tears."

I asked "do their kids or relatives visit them?"
she said "yes they do "

I asked "what is the percentage of male and females in hospice?
she said"seventy percent are males and thirty percent females, most of the time daughters look after their mother and would give them treatment at home."

I asked "so who is in the cue now?"
I have  hundred and four year old bed ridden guy who has lot of problems so it can be any-time from now.

its very difficult to see some one dealing with pain and leaving the world right in-front of you specially if its part of the job part  and doing it more often is something which is beyond words that can't be described.I had been to hospice once but couldn't spend more then half an hour ,with pain and suffering I could see all over and people in cue for their turn ,its pathetic ...everyone has to go but the reasons are made by Almighty..

hats off to these people who take care of these patients and see them every day.

Thursday, June 2, 2011


....I never understood this mentality or mental people who never hesitate and ask for favours might have chatted with them just for few hrs in the whole year and do not know them personally But its strange when they say

*"hey Harman you can arrange a sponsorship for me to visit US,I will be so thankful"
I am like"hello do I really know you? its not possible I cant do that ..sorry about that"

*Friend"you know what ,I had heard that all Indians when they migrate to US ,UK or Canada or any other foreign country their blood also gets white in colour  just like snow...

*...Me"ok (whatever...crap)"

next one...another sample

*friend "hey how r u? can I ask you a favour plz plz...."

*Me.."ya go ahead ..what kinda favour??"

*Friend "you have a defence background ,could you please tell your dad that I want his Army canteen card to get some stuff on subsidised rates as it is very expensive in India hard to survive in this inflation...(these are those people who love their motherland)"

*Me"hey...are you ok? my dad will never do that or misuse the card ok ,Got it!"

*Friend"...ok ,a friend in need is a friend indeed ..I guess you don't fit in that slot.

*Me...Well I don't need to....

..I am not a people pleaser when it comes to breaking all the set of rules and going overboard.
Pleasing others and ignoring your own needs can affect your relationships with people, the things you do, the way you talk and more importantly the choices that you make in life. It can ultimately drain you emotionally and physically and even lead you to depression.
I was a people pleaser one time .....

I remember I was asked for help ...and I couldn't get it done due to legal hassles for which 
I felt bad that I didn't say the word "NO" and resentful that the favour was a lot of extra work and time that I didn't have to spare. I feel angry and resentful at the friend for asking such favour's from me and at times I feel they are taking advantage of my kindness and the fact that I can't say no. Over time, I end up avoiding the friend altogether when the real problem is with me. It is an endless cycle of people pleasing. I don't always say it and admit it but I do let people take advantage of me. By always doing favours for others what I don't want to do and going out of my way to make others happy and ignoring my own needs, I am just leaving the door open for others to take advantage and manipulate me.which I dont want to do it now.
Since I am a mother, I know it's okay and I feel happy when I put the needs of my children before my own. However, when I constantly put the needs of others in front of my own - there's the problem. I mean well but if you're anything like me, your actions are sure to eventually lead you to anger and resentment. The solution to people pleasing is SELF EMPOWERMENT. You can't change other people but you can work on yourself.