Thursday, September 23, 2010

Sequel(What do you say?)

..In my previous blog...I had written about one of my close friends ANU..her preferences and expectations for life which I read many views ...
The reason I am writing a sequel on I would like to clear some misconceptions on the views I read .
I think everyone looks for a better companion in life...I have never heard any girl saying she wants to get married to a poor guy..or get a ride on bicycle ..or looking for an illiterate person...I mean when we were in University most of my friends had similar kind of views except few things ..and had set their standards high..Girls from big towns or livin in US always have a class difference with those of villages or people from small towns...Most of us in my friends circle got married as per our choices...and luckily we found one!

Another thing which I would like to discuss here is ....having a mind-set on something and striving for that is nothing wrong..its always the society you move inn raise your standards of living and expectations... most of the Indians we know here in Michigan are Engineers as it has an Auto industry here..The Big three(GM,Ford,Chrysler)and they all have "DECENT"Cars...Indian community here ,the educated people ..professionals.. I am talking about ..the people I know ,have expensive houses and luxury its no big deal to find a person having all these ...and may be moving in that crowd as we have a common friend circle ...
Anu has some expectations from life and partner!!!

Joint family was another factor ...Its good as long as it works in the family and respect each others decisions...but no compulsions...I would not harbor that thought since parents are precious for everyone and laying conditions before getting married not to live in joint family is considered not so good....things workout once we get into that situation ...and we know many Educated families here where parents live separately as they need their own space from their kids and keeping cordial relation with them....but on any Social gathering we see them together..
Lemme tell you I live in a joint to me living close to my family is very important I get a feeling of security!
Anu had jus given her preferences ,but if it was a guy instead of her ,,,,he would look for some Queen in India ..expecting lot of things in dowry since he is US returned and even after that he would lay some conditions on her before bringing her to US.
And guys ...wait for few years we are not far from that age n era when girls gonna keep conditions too like boys before marriage ..see the rate of female infanticides..where the population of females is declining  ..there will be a bride hunting at every nook and corner..

Marriage to me is love and respect ..with adjustments ...and keeping the temperament in control...the real story of life begins


Uma said...

its a personal choice..

A said...


I had the same comments on your previous post. It is pretty normal to find a professional driving a Lexus.

On this post, I disagree with you about guys looking for 'Queen'. In all honesty, all guys I know looked for a companion and dud not any demand dowry either. Keep in mind, most guys I know are educated and professional and hence don't even think about dowry.

I know one case where one guy (not my friend but worked at the same place) went to India and demanded dowry. Though he got it, he was divorced within a year.

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

Well well world is changing but greed remains ..

thats all i will say

Raj - Only name sake !! said...

I said in an Indian and my status context.
AS you said what's common for people there is different here! so you are correct! but all matching hmm possible?

Harman said...

@A..Ya I read your comment on previous blog..I agree and there is no harm in keep the expectations far as it motivates you to see brighter side of life.
..Dowry is still goin strong in india..Many I know....recently paid a hefty amount for a girl getting married to an NRI...Demands are too many..I am talking about North part of india..where a girl is judged by the Cash she brings!!!

@Bikram...World is changing ..and for sure we always want a better companion..for which we work hard and have certain image in mind!!

Harman said...

@ Raj...Everything is not possible expected..and there shld be a room for adjustments ,,materialistic things are many...but end of the day Happiness matters..

A said...


I am from Delhi and my wife is from Chandigarh (SAS Nagar). There is no concept of dowry in my family or in my wife's family - when I say family extended family. Extended family would mean half of SAS Nagar from my wife's side.

My extended family is settled in Punjab - SAS Nagar and Patiala besides Delhi. No concept of Dowry.

Though I don't wear turban and not very religious, I think Sikhism principles are pretty good with regard to dowry and ritual and treatment of women.

I cannot say about UP and Haryana because I always lived in big cities.

But I know from my friends, in South India, women have to bring a certain amount of Gold...but that is changing too.

Anonymous said...

Indeed a well crafted posted...
And ya everybody looks for someone who is better than them.
Marriage is a far fetched thing coz even when it comes to making friends folks would go for someone who is superior to them in some aspect.
Gone are the days of Krishna Sudama fable.

P.S. -

please do read and feed it with your comments.
I have dedicated my blog to my estranged ladylove.

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...

hmm.... good..

dr.antony said...

Every girl has her dreams about marriage.It is like sailing the seas on a sail boat.What decides your direction,is the set of the sails,not the waves.
" it is the set of the sails and not the gales"
Engineer,doctor..what difference does it make? What is needed is a balance and matching of some ideas.One can fantasize,till it happens.A time comes when the mind will outlive its dreams and desires, and then has to face the realities of life.

Harman said...

@riddhi.Thanks..ya I agree ...we all look towards brighter side of life!
I will visit ur blog! ya!
@Dr Anthony..Very well said Sir..its always..the perfection in thoughts and attitude...Rich or poor....the boat of marriage will sail smooth on the positive thought waves only!

Harman said...

@A..ya..its good to know ..that ,at the end ..we all want the same thing freedom from dowries and women abuse...
Nice too know u are a Sikh ..we r Sikhs too..I am from Ludhiana but lived most of my life moving throughout India ..with DAD as he was an army officer..
have relatives all over Punjab and Delhi!