Thursday, February 11, 2010


..yet another ..true incident where I am surprised how parents play their role when their kids make mistakes ...
..We had a guest from hubby's good friend an engineer by profession ..son of retd.. Maj General from Indian Army..he was very eager to meet us,he came all the way to Canada and then called my hubby to pick him up from the border that they could spend some time together..
I met him for the first time.. nice humble person,but when I heard his personal life in shambles coz of his parents ..I was surprised?
I don't want to reveal his real name so would call him X,he is doin very well in business and owns two restaurants in Australia ,money is not a problem for him now ,he has his own house and people working for him..all luxuries of life after lot of struggle and hard work in Australia ..
X parents lived in India..he was in Australia and got involved with an Australian gurl ..they were in live in relationship...and one day his dad without informing him came to Australia and when the gurl opened the door his dad thought he came to a wrong house..but when he saw his son later ..he was furious..yelled at his son..called the gurl and insulted her with all sorts of names and being abusive , kicked her out literally ...this gurl was pregnant then.. X was thinking of telling his parents about their relationship ..but it all happened in a moment..
X dad then found a gurl in India and told him to get married.. after lot of arguments he was forced to get married ...
This gurl from India was nice to X mom n dad initially..they all lived in Australia..together..but seems like the gurl had told a lie about her education and qualifications to X and his parents ..which they found later..X dad was furious again and yelled at their daughter -in -law..told her to go back to India, termed as a liar and abused her parents..and then she was not required in her in-laws anymore...
The gurl left for India and later filed divorce ..and papers were sent by courier to Australia..
It was a shock to X family as they never thought of divorce ,and X dad ,to him it was a big insult...(seems like dad had an Army rule at home)
now this gurl here in Australia had a baby boy and lived with her mom..who still meets X and he too likes her.. but the gurl cannot forget her insult as she doesn't want to come back and live with X coz of his father..though X parents are ready to accept her now..
On the other hand the gurl in India is ready to patch up with X but ..Dad is not ready to bring her home for the insult she did by filing divorce and spreading rumors in the family...
..So X is with nothing jus stress and tensions even after earning and struggling ,making money but no peace in life..
We asked what the parents do in Australia? he said ..Dad enjoys playing golf or they are on vacation with their friends..they are happy!!he said
he stayed at our place for weekend and was happy to see us and kids with our parents..
..which he his life..I guess!!
now here I would say rather then rectifying the mistakes ,Parents added problems to their sons life.. and how can one be happy..??if your own child is suffering!
my solution to him was that,parents should go back to India thou it will be impolite and rude to them as X agreed to that and they should enjoy their life in India and this guy should settle with the gurl and his son ..and the gurl in India should be divorced..
Sometimes its surprising how parents Dad or Moms break their own kids martial bliss and enjoy their life... sometimes we get lot of attention at work being at the highest position and forget the real Civil life which is the ultimate truth in X's (father) case as his Dad is so use to giving orders now ..forgetting his present life .. where his own son is suffering...somebody needs to wake them up and show the reality...and their identity..

what do u say?? is solution to this problem..(plz lemme know ur views)


uma said...

Your solution is most sensible.. this will definitely make X happy.. and X's child will get both his parents' love..

Instead of enjoying abroad X's parents can enjoy their life in India and X can live his life at his own terms....

May X get love and peace and whatever he wishes for

BK Chowla, said...

In my opinion,unless,there are reasons beyond control(mostly financial)parents must leave the children alone.In this case,what has the Army man achieved?-damn all.
X must get back to the Australian girl and his kid.
Also, visit India to his parents once in year

Dharmjit said...

x dad was strict no doubt but he himself must be also responsible
first of all he was an employed person and also well educated then how his parent pressurize him beyond my thinking.
second if he knows that his dad was strict then why he fall in love with an foreigner and betrays the girl.
i declare the boy solely responsible for that.

Bikram said...

bad bad scene... I must confess my grandad was a bit strict .. he like ordering but then that was his nature we found he would say it and then a few hours later he would call me and ASK..

But this scenario is bad.. parents shud let the kids grow and do there stuff especially if they are old enough.. I hope and I wish that i dont turn out to be the same with my kids..

My dad was always supposrtive of me , he always stood by me whatever i chose right or wrong.. at least in front of everyone.. at home he Might say that i chose wrong but give examples and reasons .. sometimes i accepted what he said .. sometimes we had a bit of a banter.. But never like this ...

I hope Mr. X has a good life and settles down with the australian girl, and hopefylly he will be able to d obetter to his son unlike his dad to him...

Raj - Only name sake !! said...

I would say X should stop caring to his Dad and go ahead in his life happily he already done a mistake in marrying other girl!!

Now he should go and live with his girl friend.

Harman said...

@UMA..Yes..X parents should go back to india,thou it hard sometimes to tell parents to your own parents to leave your house..but there is no other option!!

@BK chowla..Yes sir..retiring from one of the highest positions in Army ..X's dad couldnt take a proper decision in his sons marital affairs..and
I totally agree that parents should not interfere in kids married life unless they really need help...

@Dharmjit...A person is always responsible for his own acts ..But..but.. parents or friends should guide a person properly ,parents sometime ..dont listen they threat their kids or put fears of disowning them ... and specially when moms cry or plead its upsetting..u have to abide by the decisions..

@Bikram..Parents are role model for kids...and when parents play this kinda role then ???
..handling with love is the only way help kids when adults their personal life...other wise should they be left on their own ..good or bad!!!

@..raj..I agree to that.. thou its little hard to practice..telling your parents to get out of the house .. but in this case in long run it will be good for him...

Chandrika Shubham said...

Parental interference should decrease after the children get matured.
Touching story.

Harman said...

@chandrika shubham:yup..parents should stay away from interference...and keep up their respect!~

Anonymous said...

The right spelling for 'gurl' is 'girl'; 'doin' in doing' ... why have all Indians started to mis-spell words so much ... so much so that I can recognize the identity of the writer by the way they spell.

Anyhow, the guy is clearly spineless, I feel sorry for the Australian girl who fell for him. Hope she meets someone nice and kind and who would make her ever so happy (while the guy and his parents sort their relationship out).

Finally its kind of odd that you'd paste your friends woes for all to read ... I'm not sure he confided in you to get global readership :)

Harman said...

..OK...thanks ..for letting me know that.....SO VERY NICE OF YOU!!!!
My my diary... and the reason I write the real incidents of our friends is to let people know that how mistakes can really spoil the relationships..and its only an Individual responsible for his or her own mistakes...
..and as far Blogging is concerned.. I thinks most of the blogs I read ..r real life incidents... I believe in reality!!!!!

Anonymous said...

..Jai again ..from boston
Unless we go through mental trauma or adversity we can never realize pain of others,its easy to point out the mistakes of others or term others as jerks,in this case I would say..the Boy shld go with his grfd and his kid and Parents can be sent to India for sometime ,the girl in India shld be left ..
...realities of life ,very few people have courage to write..I respect those people ,The Real People..the reason I read Hamaare Thoughts!!!
fake stories have no depth!!!
Keep up the good work!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry didn't meant to hurt your feelings ... I just wish you'd challenge yourself to do more ... I still do feel gossip isn't reality its reality TV. Reality is the poverty around us, children with dreams in their eyes, their smiles, their lovely blue eyes, and their poor but proud parents, while WE - the 10% of the population get all the attention. Unfair isn't it.

Zeenu said...

My dad is also like that,in Army (still serving )as Brig: its hard to convince him unless its my mom..thou he is a good father but when it comes to our personal affairs he needs at least whole town to convince him..
..In this case I would definitely say boy needs to go back to his gf as his moral duty towards his son and leave parents they will be good after some time..

Harman said... true people who go through problems are the one who suffer and they come out as a strong individuals.."To Err is Human To forgive Divine"
thanks..for liking the post!!

Harman said...

@ Zeenu..Ya Army people (parents ) are like that!! they strict ..but somewhere its to help us show the right way..thou the way of teachin is harsh..

"Reality is the poverty around us, children with dreams in their eyes, their smiles, their lovely blue eyes, and their poor but proud parents"
..both of ur comments have a contradiction.. DUDE hand you r saying X should go back to indian gurl and leave his gf and son.. ethically wrong this kid will ultimately have a disturbed childhood..his lovely blue eyes and dreams will be shattered without parents or he may land into foster homes..which is a stigma ..more then poverty
on the other hand you r saying u r worried about poverty , kids and other issues????
Proud parents r only those when their kids listen to them and stay with them with till end ,gr8 family values.. its nothin to do with poverty..or being super rich..
Indians in America or India very few live in joint families..
..if we help one kid to get his parents back together ,there is nothing better then that!!!
As for Parents sometimes we have to take decisions which r helpful for the family and society as whole!!

Anonymous said...

Umm sorry no I'm not saying anything about the Indian guy and his life ... I might be wrong I admit (I usually am), and yes I feel for the kid ... what I really felt was that the Aus. girl should have a stronger man in her life and the child should have a better dad .. and to me the Indian guy appears to have failed on both accounts ... I mean you never know you meet such fabulous people in your life don't you? At some point you gotta move on and build a new life for yourself, I feel very strongly for the Aus. girl and I really hope she meets someone so loving and strong that he makes her and the kid forget all their woes ... and fills their lives with all the happiness that a wonderful strong human being can. Maybe I'm over-reacting but to me .. I just cannot stand a guy hurting their significant other because of any reason whatsoever .. be it parents or financial reasons - WHATEVER it may be - there are things you just cannot do. Period.

As for the poverty bit ... over the years I just feel so incredibly pampered in the way I live or I have lived ... I really have no idea how difficult life is for so many of the unfortunate children and their hard working parents ... I mean those who are not so fortunate to belong to the small prosperous Indian middle class .. and sometimes it gets to me that we worry about such seemingly small issues (not this post but in general) .. that our lives really begin resembling a soap opera ... and we get farther and farther away from the 'real' reality ... but these are just just my mad opinions and I guess they must appear quite silly to most other people ... so enough of my rant .. I should learn to shut up a bit ...