Friday, January 8, 2010

love or arranged???

Talking of love marriage or arranged marriage??which is better.. there has been lot of debates..on this issue..talking to one of my friends Kate yesterday..who asked me did I meet my hubby??? when I told her about arranged marriage she started asking me all kinds of questions to her it was kinda ..something new.. being a Chinese female ..this concept was new to her..
Kate.. who is twenty one years old ,married a Chinese guy of thirty eight years,as she told me and they met each other on a street he lived a block away from her house.. ...they came to US..later as both of them come from a poor family and US was a boon for them ... they now run a salon and can afford all which they never thought of would be in their native place..
I asked Kate ..why did she marry an older guy .. if it was a kinda street love?;).. as Kate is a beautiful gurl and Steven her husband is kind of not so good ..looking guy.. ..she said ,love is Blind.. Well... I have no answer to that..!!!
talking of love marriage ..where marriage as per our own choice and we know exactly whats coming inn ,we cannot blame parents and have a fair chance to know a person better ..and even in a way to go ahead or not..
When two people are in love, they are at their best to impress the other person.they are at their best behaviour and project a lot of things that they are actually not. Our society is structured that way we are expected to be polite in public. It takes a while between couples to shed the veil. Most of the time, even after going out for a few years, when we actually live together, we are in for surprises. ...
Considering issue of love marriage where the couples .... who have solemnized love marriage would have to tackle all their crises on their own, because they might have been separated from their family. Resentment drives the parents and the relatives to remain dormant in case the married couple wants any financial or moral support - a common sight seen in love marriages in India. Due to this factor, many people do not want to marry without their parent's consent, because they would be ultimately cut off from the family ties.... Talking of arranged marriage where success rate of marriage is more compared to love marriage as there is strong support of parents and any kinda problem ..the whole family is ready to solve the matter....and put the couple back... ..... .... It is said that compromise is a factor that decides whether the marriage would work out or not. In case of love marriage, people might expect more from their partner, largely because they have fallen in love before marriage. This leads to lesser compromises, as the person expects more from his/her partner.... On the other hand, compromise and adjustments forms the foundation of arranged marriage, largely because the married couple does not have any preconceived notions or expectations from one another. The compromise factor might work wonders in case of most of the arranged marriages, while in love marriages, that might prove to be yet another cause for altercation. Due to this factor, people consider arranged marriage as long lasting and better than love marriage. ....Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than those in the United States, where marriages out of love are the rule.....However, research also shows that the pressure a married couple encounters from both society as a whole, and from the respective families, suggests that divorce is often not an option..... Most of the time out of peer pressure ..or influence of friends, people are lured and want to get into pitfall..When I was studying in Punjab university Chandigarh.. gurls ended up having affairs and get into marriage leaving their studies .. as love was predominant factor at that age... Bollywood movies ..makes every gurl dream of prince which gets them into love marriage....
Being a very liberal person... to me a good family and a nice person is more important whether its love or arranged marriage... basically what matters is love and respect for each other... which comes from family values.. what we are ,will be taught to our kids... as it will be passed over to generations... ..I always defy divorces which are very common due to lack of respect and trust... ...
.....I was at store as usual.. I heard an
argument and turned back to see.. a guy yelling at his wife ..with all sorts of names ,an American female.. I assume that was her Ex-husband .. she was in front of everyone ..and then from her cell ..called 911(police) ... the guy.. slammed the door and ran..away... I think when thay took the vows was all lovey dovey.. but.. now the situation was in front of the whole world..basically infatuation or attraction gets blurred ..after a while... Its only love , respect and trust ..that counts.. any kind of marriage!!!!


Bikram said...

hmmm good article.. I think end of the day if both people treat ech other with respect and love.. they treat each other as they would themself want to be treated.. A bit of humilty.. A bit of let go .. A lot of trust.. a lot of love

if all this exists then it doesnot matter if its arranged or love.. Love is always made a big issue.. But love can have different values and images ...

in the end its better to be happy then carry on with a relation is what i feel, If you cant make someone happy then you got no right to make them unhappy.. just let go and save all the tears and hassles..

Zeenu said...

love or arranged,not a big is what captures all and to make healthy relationship,I wud say yes,trust is the foundation..I wud have a cum arranged to get blessings and at the same time,enjoy my freedom...and offcourse know the person better,,,
marrying a stranger is not least..

Dharmjit said...

great article especially i can say that it is of mine type and really i am great admirer of luv marriage and i can debate on it for hours with u .
i totally go with the luv marriage if someone had love with someone else and i know all had, but i am talking here of true luv and mostly people dont know the meaning of luv including me.
ok let me tell u wat the young folks think in punjab or india that they had to go with their parents on the marriage issue so let have this not that much seriously.
this seems to be bitter but it is true

The knife said...

well said...though i must admit that I don't know anyone in my current circle who has had an arranged marriage.

Raj - Only name sake !! said...

Wonderful article!

If we have mutual respect , trust and love any marriage will have an happy ending :)

Meenakshi said...

loved the concluding line : whichever the marriage the success and longevity of the amrriage depends on the love,trust and respect (I would say understanding too).

Keep blogging!

Gaurav said...

Its a matter of personal choice.

After all in both cases love is always there.

PS: Very nice blog.

Tauseef said...

good article.
Love or arrange is a matter of your personal philosophy. As we all are different and it effects our decisions too. If you're a kind of person who takes decision after 'knowing the subject' then falling in love, understanding and developing bonding may be good. And, on the other hand if you are an adaptable type, can change yourself to suit the new change - then arrange marriage can work too.
But, today the trust factor is declining and hence it's necessary to read the other fully b4 conveying yes.

Harman said...

..yes love or arranged its our personal choice....
bikram:yes its true ,love is made a big deal for no reason a bit of understanding a little sacrifice and humility can make things better ..whether its love or arranged.
Zeenu:its true ,that its difficult to marry a complete stranger,so wiser thing is get along and convince them ... so that they are happy ..the people who took care of you and love you..
dharmjit..Its true ,love marriage always attracts youth,but compatibility
and understanding comes with maturity knowing each other is the best thing in love marriage.. and as indian youth,yes they dont wanna go against parents ,which is also a mark of respect to our elders...and people who care for us..
knife..Its good ..if people are happy.. and going for love marriage ,end of the day ..all it matters is happiness...
Raj..yes its true love ,trust and respect.. wins everyone ..irrespective of love or arranged marriage..
meenakshi:understanding an essential ingredient in a happy marriage.. to make it successful..
Gaurav:love ..Captures zeenu said.. no matter love or arranged..
Tauseef:I agree with u but we can never know a person or check a person thoroughly as surprises are always there..and ..nobody is born takes time and love to change each other..with little effort and understanding..

uma said...

Hi Harman,
Its true that family support helps get through many problems.. I have seen a Mother in law trying to break her own son's marriage.. how would you react?.. maybe this is one instance.. One drawback about arranged marriages is that you are forced to stay with such MILs..such families. Husbands also have to bear the brunt of this..
I feel both arranged and love marriages have their own setbacks..

Harman said...

well,,I know some cases where parents..mothers r dominating and divorces are due that,once of my cousins ..had to go through all that... its sad..but I would say ..both boy and gurl shld understand their own responsibilites and move out..(live without parents)and guys shld be firm in their decisions..